roller coaster's going down down down

It's really hard to keep my mood high all the time, or at least keep it high enough to stay just under the radar. I was better at it when I was younger, now I'm just growing tired and I give up on it more easily. I shut down and walk away, take some time to myself then brush myself off and return like nothing happened.

Lately it's been like a roller coaster. The highs are amazing and joyous and exciting.. but the lows are hell. There was a pause when I got off the ride but it felt empty, now that I'm back on it my stomach's turning. Heading to another low again.

There are things I forgave when I swore to myself years ago that I would never, ever forgive anyone for anything. I feel like those things are coming back to bite me in the ass and ridicule me for being such a fool. Only fools forgive people.

The Queen and I by Gym Class Heroes is playing. How appropriate.

I wish I could take a vacation. I've too many obstacles in my way though (lack of funds, time, etc) and I realize that no matter how long I run away for, I have to come back eventually even if I don't want to.

Still, how I wish..

"The Queen and I" by Gym Class Heroes

I love it how she breathes booze in the morning
And, it's so sexy how she can't remember last night
I made the fatal mistake lettin' her drink again
but who the hell am I to tell her how to live her life?

And if you could put dumb in a shotglass
I'm just another lush who's had one too many and when plenty's not enough
I see you stand there, I'll settle for anything,
anything's better than lettin' her THINK she could do better than me
She'll come around eventually

'Cause baby girl's a queen
But the queen's just a pawn with a bunch of fancy moves
And she's made me a fiend
I'm goin' through withdrawal, but I got nothing to lose

Oh no, (HEY!)
She's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Bravo, (HEY!)
she's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(HEY! HEY! HEY!)

I find it funny she can never find her car keys
Immediately after telling me she can't take it
She makes the cutest faces when she screams obscenities
And slurs her words because she's never not inebriated
And the front page headline read:
Let that girl go, you know you can do better
It's bad, but the fact that you can't have her
Is the reason you sweat her,
Don't let her take advantage of you
Like them other dudes let her
You better cut your losses now buddy.

'Cause baby girl's a queen
but the queen's just a pawn with a bunch of fancy moves
And she's made me a fiend
I'm goin' through withdrawal, but I got nothing to lose

Oh no, (HEY!)
She's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Bravo, (HEY!)
she's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(HEY! HEY! HEY!)

Drown yourself,
It's not worth keeping me,
Just put it down right now
And bow out gracefully

Drown yourself
It's not worth keeping me
Just put it down right now,
And bow out gracefully
('Cause baby girl's a queen
But the queen's just a pawn with a bunch of fancy moves
And she's made me a fiend
I'm goin' through withdrawal, but I got nothing to lose)

Oh no, (HEY!)
She's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Bravo, (HEY!)
she's at the bottom of that bottle (HEY! HEY!)
She's only one more swallow (HEY!)
From being, oh so hollow (HEY!)
(HEY! HEY! HEY!)